Holiday Wellness Unwrapped: 3-Step Survival Guide for the Festive Season (81)

Are the holidays the "most wonderful time of the year"...or not? Listen to hear what listeners had to say about how they feel about the holidays AND devise a plan for the holiday season. In this episode, you'll learn 3 things that you NEED to bring to your holiday gatherings to maintain mental well-being and be present with the FULLNESS that the holidays bring. 

Navigating the holiday season isn't only about dealing with external factors, but also about tending to your inner self.  From managing expectations, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care to gracefully navigating stress during this period-- this episode is your go-to guide to ensure your holidays are not just merry but also mentally and emotionally fulfilling.

Transcript

Holly: 0:00

Hi everyone and welcome back to how the wise one grows. Let's take a moment to land here together with 3 deep breaths. So begin by taking a moment to just notice where your body makes contact with the earth. Feel your breath moving through the body. Take a big breath in, fill your chest, fill your belly with air and exhale. Let it all out Again. Inhale, chest and belly expand, exhale. Let it all go One more. Inhale and exhale. I'm going to return to the sensation of where your body meets the earth. I'll let that be something you can return to during our time together today.

Holly: 1:10

So, now that I have my voice back, I want to talk about the most wonderful time of the year. So we are, like, ready for full holiday mode. Thanksgiving is this week. There is so much going on. We're going to move into all the winter holidays, christmas, hanukkah, all the things and I think it's really important to acknowledge that, yes, the holidays totally can be a wonderful, beautiful time, and it's okay if it's not, because I don't think that gets a not voice. So during today's episode, we're really going to focus on ways that we can check in with ourselves and take care of our mental health, our physical health, and establish the foundation we need to move through the holidays in a way that's going to bring us grounding and peace. And it's easier said than done. It's going to take practice, but having this awareness and conversation is a really great first step. So, no matter how you feel about the holidays whether you love it, hate it, everything in between this episode is going to have something for you to help you feel more grounded and at ease as we move through this holiday season.

Holly: 2:33

So I took a little bit of a poll from our listeners to see, like, how are you all actually feeling about the holidays? Right, because we are in a time of year where there's this rhetoric that we should be feeling joyful Again. The most wonderful time of the year. It's supposed to be this really exuberant joyful thing, and that's happening amid some of our busiest work, deadlines, our most full social and family calendars. Then there's decreased sunlight, there's additional financial pressure, grief and loss might feel extra heavy during this time, and family dynamics can be really challenging. So that's a lot, and it's okay if it's not the most wonderful time of the year for you. It's okay if you're feeling the weight of those things.

Holly: 3:31

So I'm going to share with you the three tools that I use to move through, honestly, most everything and the ones I've been really applying to the holidays over the last few years for myself to feel more grounded as I'm moving through it. So the first one is awareness and, honestly, I think awareness is forever and always going to be the first step. If we're not aware of what is, there's not a lot we can do about it. So bringing our awareness and attention to how we're feeling about the holidays is a really great first step. So I want you to take a moment right now, as you're listening, to just take a deep breath and notice how you actually feel about the holidays. What comes up for you when you think about the holidays. Do you feel more stressed? Do you feel less stressed? Maybe? Start to notice what arises in the body when you think about the holidays, with the gentle curiosity there's no judgment here. Just start to lean into what's alive for you when it comes to the holidays and know that every year it can be really different. Every day, every moment it's going to change.

Holly: 5:05

I wanted to be aware of how you all feel about the holidays, so I threw up a poll on Instagram for listeners to share. Do you feel more stressed or less stressed during the holidays and, based off of responses, we really got like an almost 50-50 response on this, a little bit leaning towards feeling less stressed during the holidays, but so many of you are feeling more stressed too. So I just want us to acknowledge and be aware that while, yes, this can be a really wonderful, relaxing time of the year, it can also be a really stressful, overwhelming one as well. So it's just something to be aware of. And then I also just wanted to lean in a little more and learn and be aware of what words, what comes up for you when you think about the holidays. So maybe just take a moment for yourself, like what words come to your mind when you think about the holiday season. This is what listeners shared.

Holly: 6:13

There were a lot of responses about family, which I'm not surprised, but it's kind of cool to just lean into. Like family is really prominent during this time of year, so that might have positive connotations for you. It might have negative connotations, it might be a little bit of both. Really just acknowledging that family dynamics play a big role during the holidays. Another word that came up was eggnog, so maybe there's some of those like holiday things that you love that are like a comfort and nostalgia that come to mind. I got words, calm in serene, and then we also got words from listeners that were busy, expensive food, family obligations.

Holly: 7:06

So finances are something that everyone is going to have different things going on. There's a lot of emotional weight in charge that can come around finances. Same thing with food. People have a wide range of relationships with food. So sometimes, like all the holiday, food can be a really positive thing for you to think about. It can also be a really triggering thing. So if food is an element that's at play for you, it's a really important to acknowledge that as well. And then family, again another one where we all have a different relationship. It's changing and unfolding and you just got to lean in to be aware of what this is like for you right now as we move into this season. So awareness is always the first step, and something you can do and apply is being aware of how you're entering different situations during the holiday. So I often like to if I know I have like a family event or a social event coming up like before I go into that phase, take a moment to breathe, do a body scan. Just notice what my body is feeling, what's going on, so that I know how to take care of myself as I move through that.

Holly: 8:26

The next thing that's really important to lean into is acceptance. So the holidays are a time of year where there are a lot of shoulds. Right, you should feel a certain way, you should spend time with certain people, you should buy certain presents. Whatever those shoulds are, we want to acknowledge those, be aware of them and accept what you're actually feeling. Right, if you don't feel joyful, accept that. If you feel conflicted about some relationships you have, accept that. If you wish that your family dynamics were different or your holidays were different, accept that too. It's important to remember that there is no way you are supposed to feel. You don't have to feel joyful, you don't have to feel any certain way. How you feel right now is okay, so don't resist it. And also, it's really important to lean into a sense of common humanity. Like some of the shoulds can feel extra heavy when we're like everyone's family is this way. Everyone feels a certain way during this time of year. What's wrong with me? I'm so isolated and alone that I don't. A big part of this is to really acknowledge that how you feel is okay and all humans feel this way sometimes. So you're not alone in it. Know that you are supported in it, so accept what you're feeling.

Holly: 10:05

I find a really helpful way to work with acceptance is so we talked before about becoming aware. A body scan is a great way to just notice what's alive for us and then you can focus on acceptance with a skill called noting, and noting is when we just notice what's present without judgment. You can practice noting by getting really simple with noticing if what you're feeling is pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. So if we talked before about doing that body scan and then you want to practice some acceptance with noting, you can do that scan of the body and then just get curious about how each part of the body feels. So notice, like your head, is it pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? And repeat that in your mind. So for me right now, if you were listening in on my practice, it would sound like head neutral, shoulders unpleasant, chest unpleasant, stomach neutral, hips pleasant. You know, just move through. You can start with the parts of the body. You can notice that with emotions that might arise or thoughts that might arise, rather than getting caught up in their story, just noticing if it's pleasant, unpleasant or neutral, because it's already there. So just acknowledge what already is.

Holly: 11:52

And then the third step is where the real work comes in, and this is what I like to call compassion in action. I think compassion is an integral part of mindfulness. I think it is the secret sauce to life. I need it. I need to practice it every day. So the first place, I like to start with compassion. We talked about being aware of what's happening. We practiced accepting it, acknowledging it, and then we really want to meet it with a quality of kindness. That's what compassion is. So once I know that something's there, I'm no longer resisting it, I'm accepting it. I like to ask it or ask myself, like, what do you need right now? So if I notice I'm about to go to a holiday party and I feel anxious, I'm no longer resisting the anxiety. It's here, I'm gonna be with it. So I like to bring a hand to my heart and just say, like, what do you need right now? Honor that knee, and we're gonna start brainstorming what this can look like together. So when I reached out to listeners, I got curious with you about what support would look like for you this holiday season and this question is so important because you're creating like a resource guide for yourself. You're mapping out the tools and putting them in your toolkit of what you need to feel supported.

Holly: 13:24

So one person shared financial security. This is so important, right? Financial security is key and, again, there's a lot of financial stress around the holidays. So something we can lean into what would support look like around? That could be setting boundaries Maybe getting creative with people your gift giving with of. Maybe, instead of giving everyone a gift, it's a secret Santa concept or a white elephant or you pick a limit or, you know, doing homemade gifts if you have the time and capacity for that, but it's something important to acknowledge and have the conversations with the people in your circle around. Like you know, these are my boundaries with money this holiday. This is the reality. This is what's going on. It isn't a reflection of how I feel about you. Based on what I said. This is what I can do and what I'm willing to do right now, and that's okay. Another person shared and I really love this.

Holly: 14:29

Share is something that would be supportive, would be lowering my expectations so I can enjoy the other activities without feeling like I'm getting behind and being able to choose activities that I'll actually enjoy and not feeling bad about saying no. I think this one is so key because it has us, you know, checking in with. What are our expectations. What am I expecting going into this event, into this holiday season? What is a level setting expectation that I can set here so there's awareness, there's acceptance by setting that level setting expectation knowing what we can do healthily and know what we can't do and then setting a boundary is communicating that with others, even when it is hard, knowing that it's okay to set and establish those boundaries. I think another great thing is like setting new traditions. If you know something's not supportive for you and isn't going to support your mental well-being, it's okay to say no. You have my permission slip. It is okay to say no to the things that aren't going to serve and honor you.

Holly: 15:44

Things you can do if you're staying with family over the holidays right, it can be beautiful being in a house full of people and in my experience it can be a lot and throws me off. So things I have to do is like stay in my room in the morning a little bit longer, meditate, go on walks, move, breathe, take little pockets of alone time. Just because it's the holidays doesn't mean you need to be with people 24-7. You can continue to establish your routines and the things that you need to feel supported and then, you know, maybe have a plan of people you can reach out to. If you know I'm going to be in a room full of people. It's going to be really challenging. Here are my go-to people I'm going to send a text to for support or these are the people I'm going to meet up with after to fill my cup back up. So, as we continue to move through the holiday season, I'm going to share different meditations and practices to be like your go-to resource guide. So be sure to follow this podcast, if you aren't already, so that you'll be the first to see these meditations that you can use in your wellness toolkit to move through the holiday season. But what I want to leave with you with now is here's our starting place. We're going to make our resource guide together, so I invite you right now to take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Holly: 17:14

Let's do two more like this Inhale and exhale. One more inhale and exhale. Let's start with awareness here. So maybe write down or just call to your mind what are like three to five expectations you have for yourself and for others and for the holiday season. Just notice how you're feeling. Going into it. What are your expectations? Being aware of this is really important. What expectations are you putting on yourself, on others, and then how are you really feeling? And then acceptance. So, now that we are aware of these expectations and we're aware of how we feel, just start to notice. Is it pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? Then acknowledge that whatever you're feeling is okay. Maybe, if there's a big emotion, let's just take a moment to breathe with it together rather than resisting it. Know that all humans feel this way sometimes.

Holly: 19:00

Time for some compassion and action. I want you to make a plan for before, during and after the holidays to manage expectations and care for yourself. So write down like three to five things. What are you going to do before? So before, it's going to look like moving my body, making sure I practice and have my grounding time, my alone time, before I move into spaces where I'm with a bunch of people. During, when I'm in it, it's probably going to look like taking some breaks, going on a walk, maybe even practicing like finger tapping I'll talk about this in a different meditation when I'm feeling overwhelmed, and then giving myself like cozy holiday comforts, letting myself indulge, maybe taking the pressure off of myself and letting it be okay if I fall out of my routine. And then after what am I going to need to take care of myself? Maybe, again, it's going to be movements, maybe some time to be creative. You're just totally vetch out, so come with your action list. Maybe it's going to be listening to an episode that you love or a meditation that you love from this podcast.

Holly: 20:24

So thank you for taking the time to listen, thank you for taking the time to lean in to the holidays with me.

Holly: 20:31

I hope that you are able to be with all that arises for you this holiday season and that you find moments to ground down and find a sense of peace within you as you move through all the things happening around.

Holly: 20:44

You Know that how you feel today is okay, know that you're not alone and know that you are supported. So let's continue to move through this holiday season, just like we do everything, one breath at a time. So, as we've been talking about the holidays, I know that Black Friday is just around the corner and it's a time where you're going to be getting all the ads, to spend money on all the things, and I invite you to just consider investing in a different way this Black Friday. For as little as $3 a month, you can join the Dream Team, which is a group of supporters who make this podcast possible, and every month, we pick a different community cause to donate to. For example, in October, we supported relief funding in the Middle East. So this Black Friday, I invite you to do something different by signing up for the Dream Team and supporting this podcast and communities that you care about. Just click the link in the show notes.